I couldn't help but notice that's you're taking off all of my clothes. I understand you got me dinner tonight but I haven't really consented to... Are you wringing out a washcloth? Is that some sort of threat?
Bath? No, I smell great; everyone loves new baby smell. I'll dissuade you with some Level 2 "You're taking too long changing my diapers" crying.
Don't flip me over! Okay buddy, enjoy some Level 3 "I haven't eaten in three hours" squealing. What do you think of that? Not the hair! Get that stuff out of my hair right now!!! Escalating to Level 4 "I am being eaten by wolves" wailing.
Was I born to deaf parents? I have to keep Level 5 reserved for the first time we go toy shopping. Fine, just dry me thoroughly. Is that Lavender? Chamomile? It's nice. It's no sour milk smell, but it's nice.
Did you hear that sneeze? I must have caught a chill, some sort of Bubonic Cholera Pox. Hold the cameraphone sideways, pops.