Easter Dinner

The grownups have wisely chosen me as their protein consultant for Easter dinner. I decided to sidestep the culturally-loaded hams, yams and lambs in favor of a seafood selection (no, not clams). Here is the big milkless one receiving instructions at the local grocery. He's still not fully up to speed on the metric system, bless his heart.

This Interview is Over

I don't care for this line of questioning, it's not what my handlers prepared me for, I reject your assumptions and I will not take another question. This interview is over!

My Nemesis, the Kallax

Armed only with a handful of dowels and an allen wrench, I must confront my nemesis from a far-away land, the Kallax. The grownups need more storage for Christmas, so who is left to assemble this flat-packed enigma? Yours truly, with the help of my patient Papa for the hammer stuff.

How to Impress a Lady

You may have expected hoodwinking, monkeyshine or similar high-jinks on this first of April. Instead, I offer some gentlemanly advice for the millions of socially-awkward internet surfers.

Hello, Cousin

So we finally meet, dear cousin Zensuke. You are far cuter than I was prepared for; I can see why you are getting all of the attention around here. You are the Eve Harrington to my Margo Channing, the Nermal to my Garfield... I don't think of myself as the jealous type, which is why I'm glad our grandmother keeps me from pouncing on you.

My Dinner with Zensuke

It's been over a year since I'd seen my beloved cousin. He is far more mobile than I remember and is still as worryingly adorable. We snacked our way across Japan in a whirlwind tour.

One year

The grownups were in a generous mood today and foolishly told me I could have whatever I wanted for my first birthday. I requested a time machine, a super-growth ray and a team of defense attorneys.

Forty three weeks

Who is this interloper in my room? State your business or begone! You seem to ape my every movement, are you mocking me? I suppose you think you can go wherever you want because of your charming smile and dashing good looks. 

Ninety five weeks

I'm having a labor dispute with my co-worker. We can't decide which of us is management and which one is labor. My argument is that the toddler holding the rag is probably not management. His argument is to squirt me with window cleaner.

Seventy nine weeks

Warning! I am extremely adorable in the video below. To celebrate my new-found toddlerhood, watch me climb stairs, blow kisses and say "bye" to the babies left in my wake.

Fourteen months

I'm taking a break from high-tech video blogging to work on my writing journal. I'm wearing black to let you know how deep and soulful my writing must be. It's wonderful to be able to transfer my sublime visions onto paper, but my muse is fickle, inspiring me to chew on my pen, write on the wall or just bounce on the mattress for a while.

Seventeen weeks

It says on the bag "This is not a toy," but does the milk-bearing grownup listen? Nope. Do you have a PhD, plastic bag? Are you a tenured professor? Then keep your advice to yourself. You're a toy now.